The past few months have been a rebuilding phase for me as a human being. I went through a traumatic experience recently and hadn’t quite been myself for two straight years. During those two years I lost my peace, my inner self, my aura and my glow. After losing damn near everything I had suddenly due to domestic violence, I moved back to Los Angeles and began at square one. Women often reach out to me about their experiences with domestic abuse and toxic relationships and I often feel sad after talking to them because I know exactly how they feel. I wish I could save them all and teach them how to gain their happiness back, but I simply cannot do that. I have to start BIG and that means I have to start with YOU.
You’re here for a reason. You spent a lot of time in a toxic situation, you’re questioning if you should stay, you know you deserve better and you’re looking for a sign. My sign, unfortunately, was getting punched in the face by someone who was very angry and unhappy with himself. Chances are, he has no remorse. I say this because he’s currently in a full on new relationship 7 months after his engagement fell to pieces. This shows just how much work he’s done to become a better person.
I hate to break it to you but he’s never going to change… at least not right now. This person that he is has been built up and raised this way and you cannot teach an old dog new tricks, honey. You know that you deserve better so why not take the first steps in becoming the Queen that you are? I’ve had my own feelings about leaving and I’ve listed them below.
FEAR : He would always jokingly say that he would harm me or threaten me in other ways if I left. It’s 7 months later and I’ve technically disappeared off the face of the earth. This is not the case for everyone, though. Some men will in fact keep that promise. Always remember your own safety. I read blogs about cutting my abuser off but I still somewhat communicated with him for about a week or two until I finally decided to completely disappear.
DECLINING FUNDS: For 2 years or so, I built my business up single-handedly and I was able to support myself, my family, my wants and my needs. While in my relationship, I adjusted and adapted to his ways of spending money on top of a declining business due to other issues that stemmed from abuse. By the end of our relationship, I was watching my account deplete and I was hearing him say “I’ll take care of you.” I started from SCRATCH when I left. I only had a few belongings from our home that we shared and still (7 months later) haven’t been able to reclaim any of my belongings. If I had not hustled and stayed focused, I would have nothing.
BEING SINGLE : I’ve been single before but this time around there’s something significantly powerful about it. I survived a war and I lived to tell about it. I am a force of my own and every step I take is powerful. Do I feel lonely sometimes? Yes! But I find beauty in being alone. I can now listen to God telling me I’m not lonely and He is here. I have freedom to do exactly what I want without a dark cloud hovering over me. I have the peace of mind to be exactly who I want to be without another human trying to dictate that for me.
WHAT ABOUT MY KID? : This was a tough one. At the time I was 3 months pregnant and was settling into the thought of becoming a mother. I surprised my mother, his mother, we began telling family and friends and I even named her Charlie Rose. The most devastating part about all of this was having to make the decision to terminate. I suffered mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually but a good friend of mine told me that what is promised to me is mine. I will see Charlie one day. On the other hand, I believe that children need their parents. They need you to survive.
EMBARRASSMENT: I was never embarrassed by my decisions. If anyone had too much of an opposing opinion I simply blocked them from my life. I heard it all from people who knew nothing about our relationship and from people who knew everything about our relationship. Those who tried to convince me to come back were blocked, those who spoke ill of me were blocked, those who said that we could work it out eventually got blocked, etc… I went on a blocking spree. I understand where embarrassment comes from in this issue because your stand up guy has knocked you down, but aside from all of that, our lives and safety matter the most.
I’m working on becoming a better version of myself every single day and I’m looking for ways to make sure that my story isn’t in vain. I want you to hear it and I want you to feel it. Always remember that love is kind. If you can treat yourself better, you deserve yourself over him.
Ladies, if you have questions either leave them below or send them personally to me in my DM on Instagram
Rise up, Queen. It’s a new day.